forgiving and restriction

caged within four cold walls
my reflection the same old me
never changing, never forgiving
this hatred for you is quickly consuming.

i'm tired of holding on now,
tired of holding on
i just want to give in now,
give in to forgiving.

hatred serves to devour
it served me well and now i'm sour
the hurt and the hate
dragging me down by fate

i'm tire of holding on now,
tired of holding on
i just want to give in now
give in to forgiving.



what is it that holds us down, that opresses us and makes us feel trapped?
is it the rules that we abide by? those that we break? or simply the fact that we're not doing something good?
i hated someone.. maybe without really knowing it.. but time and again i come back to the point where i start thinking.. then i realise there's not a sign of even brotherly-love.. the one you're supposed to love everyone with.. not for that one person.

i mean God told us (and taught us) to forgive, love and forgive.

but then voices say "but she's so mean, so despicable, how can i forgive her?"
they go "it's not possible to love him.. he's just horrible"
this is what we WANT to follow.. because it's easier..
it's easier to hate her because she's ugly, it's easier to hate him because he's a moron..
then we feel good, but maybe just for awhile..

because we want to continue hating and not forgiving, we look at god and say "hey.. you're restricting me.. you told me to love but i just wanna hate.. it's easier that way"

in the end, we look at ourselves.
are we really happy?
does it make you happy to hate?
cause if you hate someone, you can't stand the sight of him and if you suay suay happen to see him, you won't feel happy cause he would spoil your day and why? because you hate him.
does he feel it? maybe, but maybe not.
either way, you're the one who has the black day and not him because he doesn't hate.
your loss and not his.
so by not forgiving and just plainly hating, it's like being caged in a room where there are no doors or windows, no where to run from the beast that's just gonna feast on you. hatred just starts eating into you and that, is a bad thing.

other thoughts-
another point i pick up was that if we do not do what god tells us to do, it's also our loss..
i mean, if God loved us so much that he died for us, then he wouldn't want to hurt us because seeing us hurt would hurt Him.
and thus, that is what "love you neighbour" and "do not place judgement" etc are there for, to keep us from getting hurt. although sometimes we don't see HOW and WHY we will get hurt if we don't do what he tells us to do.
and if we ever do get hurt, there's "i will never leave you or forsake you" etc and you know that what happened (even if it meant getting hurt) was for a purpose and for your good.
and he's not unreasonable. some ppl may think religion is all about the rules to follow but hey, it is not as restrictive it seems. and i'm not saying that christians are goody-2-shoes either but that's another story cause we're still all humans afterall..
just as imperfect ..
but only a matter of who seeks and who turns away.
restriction is like when we are consumed by something else.. like hatred for example.. or guilt for doing sthg wrong.. well i mean there are many things to be consumed by..
so yeah..


bottom line is - i've got to learn to forgive(that someone) and that god loves me and won't push me beyond what i am capable of doing without giving me the strength. and i don't view religion as something restrictive in the case of christianity.

forgiving and restriction

caged within four cold walls
my reflection the same old me
never changing, never forgiving
this hatred for you is quickly consuming.

i'm tired of holding on now,
tired of holding on
i just want to give in now,
give in to forgiving.

hatred serves to devour
it served me well and now i'm sour
the hurt and the hate
dragging me down by fate

i'm tire of holding on now,
tired of holding on
i just want to give in now
give in to forgiving.



what is it that holds us down, that opresses us and makes us feel trapped?
is it the rules that we abide by? those that we break? or simply the fact that we're not doing something good?
i hated someone.. maybe without really knowing it.. but time and again i come back to the point where i start thinking.. then i realise there's not a sign of even brotherly-love.. the one you're supposed to love everyone with.. not for that one person.

i mean God told us (and taught us) to forgive, love and forgive.

but then voices say "but she's so mean, so despicable, how can i forgive her?"
they go "it's not possible to love him.. he's just horrible"
this is what we WANT to follow.. because it's easier..
it's easier to hate her because she's ugly, it's easier to hate him because he's a moron..
then we feel good, but maybe just for awhile..

because we want to continue hating and not forgiving, we look at god and say "hey.. you're restricting me.. you told me to love but i just wanna hate.. it's easier that way"

in the end, we look at ourselves.
are we really happy?
does it make you happy to hate?
cause if you hate someone, you can't stand the sight of him and if you suay suay happen to see him, you won't feel happy cause he would spoil your day and why? because you hate him.
does he feel it? maybe, but maybe not.
either way, you're the one who has the black day and not him because he doesn't hate.
your loss and not his.
so by not forgiving and just plainly hating, it's like being caged in a room where there are no doors or windows, no where to run from the beast that's just gonna feast on you. hatred just starts eating into you and that, is a bad thing.

other thoughts-
another point i pick up was that if we do not do what god tells us to do, it's also our loss..
i mean, if God loved us so much that he died for us, then he wouldn't want to hurt us because seeing us hurt would hurt Him.
and thus, that is what "love you neighbour" and "do not place judgement" etc are there for, to keep us from getting hurt. although sometimes we don't see HOW and WHY we will get hurt if we don't do what he tells us to do.
and if we ever do get hurt, there's "i will never leave you or forsake you" etc and you know that what happened (even if it meant getting hurt) was for a purpose and for your good.
and he's not unreasonable. some ppl may think religion is all about the rules to follow but hey, it is not as restrictive it seems. and i'm not saying that christians are goody-2-shoes either but that's another story cause we're still all humans afterall..
just as imperfect ..
but only a matter of who seeks and who turns away.
restriction is like when we are consumed by something else.. like hatred for example.. or guilt for doing sthg wrong.. well i mean there are many things to be consumed by..
so yeah..


bottom line is - i've got to learn to forgive(that someone) and that god loves me and won't push me beyond what i am capable of doing without giving me the strength. and i don't view religion as something restrictive in the case of christianity.